130+ Funny Ways to Answer “How Are You?” (Over Text & In Person)

Someone just asked, “How are you?” but all you can think of is the standard “Good, thank you” response. How can you shake things up and show off your killer sense of humor? A quirky or funny reply can help kick off a more lively, lighthearted discussion, and we're here to help! Read on for a detailed list of funny responses to “How are you?” with tons of examples to use when you need to come up with something fast.

Our Favorite Funny Responses to “How Are You?”

“My doctor said I’d live.”
“Looking good, despite the state of my soul.”
“Excuse me, that’s classified.”
“Oh, just living the dream!”
“So much better now you’re with me.”
“Dancing to the rhythm of life!”
“Somewhere between ‘blah’ and ‘meh.’”

Section 1 of 12:

Funniest Responses to “How Are You?”

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Crack a joke to make the other person laugh. Sure, you could answer the question with a plain old “good” or “okay,” but where’s the fun in that? Instead, choose any of the responses below—some of the best and funniest responses to “How are you” that are guaranteed to inject some laughter into the conversation.
- “I’m feasting on an entire package of cookies. Does that answer the question?”
- “Better than I have any right to be!”
- “Eh, my teacher says there’s room for improvement.”
- “Hmm…I’m not not well, so that’s something.”
- “Just a minute, I’ll consult my Magic 8 Ball!”
- “Well, my cat thinks I’m the best ever, so I’m going with that.”
- “...Compared to what?”
- “Overwhelmed like a teacher the day after Halloween.”
- “If I were any better, vitamins would be taking me.”
- “For a complete answer, call my toll-free number!”
- “I am a ticking time bomb. Stand back from the danger zone!”
- “I don’t think my brain is braining today.”
- “My doctor said I’d live.”
- “Looking good, despite the state of my soul.”
- “Can’t you see my sparkle? I’m practically glowing!”
- “Happy and I know it.” (Clap your hands)

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Witty Responses to “How Are You?”

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Show off your talent for wordplay. If you’re someone who loves dropping witty remarks into conversations, you can definitely do the same thing here! Being witty just means you have a knack for quick and clever humor—and there are plenty of possible responses to reflect that. For instance:
- “So far, so good, but the day is still young!”
- “Can’t complain, but that’s never stopped me before.”
- “So good that I definitely deserve some ice cream.”
- “Still trying to figure out the answer to that question.”
- “Ooh! I see you over there, trying to be all social.”
- “Excuse me, that’s classified.”
- “Making a plan for world domination. It’s coming along!”
- “Sorry, have we met before?”
- “Physically here, mentally sunbathing at the beach.”
- “Too blessed to be stressed!”
- “Alright, I think. How do you think I’m doing?”
- “Existing, I must admit.”
- “Can I give you an answer in two to three business days?”

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Clever Responses to “How Are You?”

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Tease them gently with your response. Family, friends, and significant others often find ways to poke fun at one another in a playful, lighthearted way. So, the next time someone you’re close to asks how you are, try answering with a teasing comment to spark a little lighthearted banter between the two of you. Just remember to save your teasing for people you know really well already! For example:
- “Like you, but better.”
- “At minding my own business? So much better than most people.”
- “Huh? Stop being so nosy!”
- “Things could be worse. I could be you.”
- “Great, until you showed up!”
- “Why do people ask that kind of thing anyway?
- “Your attempt at social interaction is acknowledged.”
- “I actually have amnesia, so I have no idea.”
- “Only time will tell…”
- “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

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Sarcastic Responses to “How Are You?”

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Reply with a sarcastic remark to make them laugh. Plenty of people find sarcasm super funny, so why not tickle their funny bone and give a sarcastic answer to the question? Just remember—sarcasm usually works best in person when you can use your face and tone of voice to tell the joke. Over text, it’s usually best when used on someone who already knows you (and your sense of humor) well.^{[1]
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- “Oh, just living the dream!”
- “Oh, stop it, will you?” (Try saying this like they’re giving you a compliment, although they’re not.)
- “Oh, just another day in paradise…”
- “Not so good, but I plan on lying at the press conference.”
- “Fantastic! I'm absolutely ecstatic to be asked that question for the thousandth time!”
- “Do you really want to know? My answer might shatter your illusions of a perfect world.”
- “I'm living the life of a millionaire socialite. Well, in my dreams at least.”
- “I'm absolutely fabulous, like a rain cloud on a sunny day.”
- “I'm doing so well that I might just burst into a spontaneous song and dance routine!”

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Flirty Responses to “How Are You?”

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Say something flirty if you’re crushing on the other person. When your crush (or significant other, for that matter) asks how you are, why not seize the chance to flirt with them a little? Reply to their question in a way that also tells them you’re interested—or if you’re already together, how much you love being around them.^{[2]
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- “Everything is fine with you around!”
- “So much better now you’re with me.”
- “I’d be better if you asked me out.”
- “Incredibly good looking.”
- “Getting better with every passing minute.”
- “Oh, good, you finally asked!”
- “If I answer, do I get a kiss?”
- “Great, but I’m totally biased.”
- “Well, that's for me to know and you to find out.”
- “Kinda bored. Want to come over?”
- “Hmm…how do you want me to be?”
- “Omg, are you flirting with me?”
- “ I’m single and ready to mingle.”
- “Okay, but I could go for a massage. Wanna help?”

Section 6 of 12:

Creative & Unique Responses to “How Are You?”

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Say something absurdly silly if you don’t know how to answer right away. Sometimes, you may not have a straightforward answer, even for a simple question like “How are you?” For example, you may still be processing some feelings about your day, or you might simply be super busy and not have time for a full conversation or text exchange. Instead, give a creative and unconventional answer to the question.
- “Fair to partly cloudy!”
- “Hunting dragons!”
- “Armed and ready!”
- “Medium well.”
- “Whoa, you can see me?!”
- “Dancing to the rhythm of life!”
- “Not today, Satan!”
- “Just got out of jail. Let’s rock and roll!”
- “So good I could walk on water! Or a big puddle.”
- “I'm busy taking over the world.”
- “Like a cat. I’m fine, but I’m going to dramatically pretend I’m not.”
- “I’m high-quality, organic, and 100% grass-fed.”
- “Feeling a bit like a bull in a China shop!”
- “I have sworn a solemn oath never to answer that question. Ask another!”

Section 7 of 12:

Funny Alternatives to Use Instead of “Good”

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Replace “good” with a playful phrase if you’re doing well. There are plenty of ways to say “I’m doing well!” or “I’m good!” when someone asks how you are. And, since “I’m good” is a pretty run-of-the-mill response, shake it up with something silly that still tells someone you’re having a fantastic day.
- “If I had a tail, I’d wag it!”
- “Somewhere between better and best!”
- “If I were doing any better, I'd hire you to enjoy it with me!”
- “Dangerously close to fabulous.”
- “I’m so great I have to sit on my hands to keep myself from clapping.”
- “Word on the street is that I'm really good.”
- “If I were any better, I'd be illegal.”
- “Doing well, unless you have an airborne illness and have just infected me.”
- “Way better than I deserve!”
- “Nice and dandy like cotton candy.”

Section 8 of 12:

Funny Alternatives to Use Instead of “Fine”

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Tell them “Fine” or “I’m okay” in a silly way. Everyone has those days where they don’t really feel “good” or “bad” but somewhere in the middle! So, instead of saying “I’m fine” and leaving it at that, try giving a funny, non-standard response that still tells them you’re doing okay—not terrible, but not absolutely fantastic either.^{[3]
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- “I’m pretty standard right now.”
- “Somewhere between ‘blah’ and ‘meh.’”
- “Not bad. Could be better. Could be payday.”
- “Can’t complain…I’ve tried, but no one listens.”
- “Hopefully not as good as I’ll ever be!”
- “Well, I haven't had my morning coffee yet and no one has gotten hurt, so I'd say so far, so good.”
- “Different day, same existence.”
- “I have a pulse, so I must be okay.”
- “Better than some, not as good as others.”
- “All right so far, but there's still time for everything to go horribly wrong.”

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Funny Alternatives to Use Instead of “Bad”

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Use an irreverent remark to tell someone when you’re not okay. Bad days happen, and sometimes it’s tough to admit that you’re really feeling under the weather about something. However, using humor might make it a little easier—and a funny quip here and there can actually alleviate your stress.^{[4]
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- “Well, I’m still alive!”
- “Just hug me and leave it at that.”
- “Great, stellar, fantastic... but dead inside.”
- “I'm still sucking air.”
- “Rolling with the punches.”
- “I’m totally prepared for the end of the world.”
- “Real terrible, thanks for asking.”
- “Surviving!”
- “Partly cloudy with a chance of a breakdown.”
- “I'm just in survival mode. And you?”
- “I’ve been going through some crests and troughs in my life.”
- “Living a life of denial and suppressed rage.”
- “I could really go for a massage.”
- “Overworked and underpaid.”
- “Under renovation.”
- “I’m ready for a nap.”
- “In need of some peace and quiet.”
- “I'm 34, and I feel 104.”
- “Navigating the twists and turns of life!”

Section 10 of 12:

Noncommittal Responses to “How Are You?”

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Make a vague quip if you’d rather not answer the question fully. If you really don’t feel like talking about your feelings or current state of mind with someone, give them a funny but ambiguous answer (without really answering their question). That way, they won’t feel like you’re ignoring them—and you won’t feel like you’re being put on the spot and forced to share anything you don’t want to.
- “Do I have to answer?”
- “They told me you would ask me that…”
- “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
- “My lawyer says I don’t have to answer that question.”
- “Maybe one day you'll be lucky enough to find out.”
- “My psychiatrist told me not to discuss it with strangers.”
- “I’ll leave that up to your imagination.”
- “You go first so we can compare.”
- “How much would you pay me to get the answer?”
- “Wondering how YOU are.”
- “Trust me, you do not want to know.”
- “Next question, please.”
- “Your question is registered! We’ll try to get back to you ASAP.”

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Pop Culture Responses to “How Are You?”

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Use a line from a movie to capture your current mood. Some of the most memorable movie lines are also super relatable. Try quoting a line or two from one of your favorite films the next time someone asks you how you are—particularly if it’s a line (and movie) you think they’re familiar with, too. You might be surprised by how many iconic movie quotes fit with this question!
- “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” (from Mary Poppins)
- “I’m like a box of chocolates; nobody knows what they’re going to get.” (from Forrest Gump)
- “I’m the king of the world!” (from Titanic)
- “You talking to me?” (from Taxi Driver)
- “You can’t handle the truth!” (from A Few Good Men)
- “I see dead people!” (from The Sixth Sense)
- “I’m in a glass case of emotion!” (from Anchorman)
- “Really, really ridiculously good-looking." (from Zoolander)
- “I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel." (from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure)

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Question Responses to “How Are You?”

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Open up the exchange with a funny question if you want to keep talking. “How are you?” is sometimes used in passing between people who don’t really plan to stop and chat—but it can also be used to segue into a longer conversation. If you’re interested in having a longer chat, give a reply and ask them how they’re doing too—or, alternatively, ask a funny question that prompts them to respond in turn. For example:
- “How am I doing what?”
- “Me? I’m wondering how you are…”
- “Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Financially? Socioeconomically? I’m not sure what you mean!”
- “Do you want an honest answer or the one you were expecting?”
- “Compared to who?”
- “I don't know, you tell me. How am I right now?”
- “I've heard various opinions. What's yours?”
- “Why? What are they saying about me?!”
- “What's with the third degree? Are you a cop?”